


darkness in your eyes (lights up in the sky)

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: After OT12, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 16:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7394254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Yifan is poetry, Luhan is the blank space, filling in the gaps between where he ends and begins anew. Based off what I imagine happened before the lawsuits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	darkness in your eyes (lights up in the sky)

It is 2012, just weeks before EXO's debut. They've just finished their dance practice for the day. All of their muscles ache, but past the pain there is sheer determination. Yifan's not accustomed to dance, his tall lanky frame still moving a bit awkwardly. He's practiced the hardest today out of the group, but the choreographers still look at him with something short of scorn. There is blood rushing in his ears, pants of exertion slipping past his lips as he's tried again and again to master the movements. He needs to get this perfect. They all do. Anything less is sacrilegious.

" _Duizhang*_ , you did great today!" Luhan beams. He says it once in Mandarin, then again in Korean - a bit slower. The elder man mostly has the language down by now, but he's still practicing daily. He knows the slightest slip-up will be disastrous. His own forehead is glistening with sweat, but his doe-like eyes are bright in youthful enthusiasm. Junmyeon, already adjusting to his leader status, hollers a muffled _"we all did"_ from the dressing room, but Yifan hardly hears him.

"You too, Lu- _ge_." he exhales in reply, shoulders slumping as he leans against the cloud-painted wall. He's still getting used to the fact that the second-eldest trainee now calls _him_ leader. Yifan had wanted to protest at the company meeting, wanted to say he could not be the one to lead five other rookies when he was still one himself, but they never even gave him a chance to speak. None of the Chinese members were given that luxury.

Luhan presses himself to his side, patting his back firmly. The members that are to be EXO-K call for them moments later, something about needing to review their pronunciation before the showcase.

That night, Yifan sleeps better than he has since he arrived.

* * *

It is 2013. Their new song, "Wolf" has just been released. The performances are more taxing these days, but Yifan grits his teeth and bears it. The lights are bearing down on them, but they feel less harsh than they did a year ago on the same stage.

_"We are one, we are EXO!"_

The phrase slips past his lips, roars of applause greeting twelve shining faces. Lu Han is wiping tears of joy from his eyes as all of them gather together in a group hug. The Music Bank cameras hone in on them. _They've done it,_ Yifan realizes as he sees Junmyeon hoist the shining trophy above them in his hands. Pride swells in his chest. Unbeknownst to him, it's only one of many that EXO will receive over the years. They break apart and bow deeply toward the crowd. Yifan closes his eyes, savoring this moment. All of the pain and sleepless nights have been worth it for this, he thinks.

_They've made it. Together._

Later that night, the flashes of cameras change to the dim bulbs of streetlights. They're packed together in the back of a van that swerves with every hasty turn. There are cars following, relentless _sasaengs**_ pursuing them over the bridge that leads back to their dorms.

Luhan doesn't give them the pleasure of seeing his near-catatonic expression as he buries his face in Yifan's chest.

* * *

It is Christmas-time. The holidays have always been a rather difficult time for the members, but this year is by far the worst on record. EXO's Christmas album is releasing soon, and with the recent _sasaeng_ scares, management has forbidden them to even go home to see their families. _It's a matter of safety,_ they say. _You all can celebrate with each other._ The mood around the dorm on Christmas Eve is sullen, most of the members holing themselves up in their rooms. Yifan is one of them.

He opens his WeChat that evening with trepidation. He's made a new one - the sixth one this month - yet thousands of requests still pop up on-screen. It scares him how fast they find him, these interconnected networks of stalkers. He scrolls toward his mother and leaves her a small note, keenly aware he can't say too much these days. Nothing is private anymore. A frustrated sigh punctuates the end of his conversation as he lays himself down on his bed.

The bed dips. A warm body joins his own. Arms wrap around his middle, a soft Beijing-accented voice sounding in his ear. "I know. This is hard for all of us, Fan-ah, but we're strong. _You_ are strong." Luhan assures. His lips press softly - _lovingly_ \- on Yifan's cheek, wordlessly continuing to comfort him.

"We've.. We've asked for this life." Yifan agrees, though his statement comes out with an unsaid _haven't we?_.

He wakes up the next morning with Luhan still at his side, and he can't help but to think that his bandmate is the greatest present he's ever received.

* * *

It is 2014. Overdose promotions are underway, and Yifan's body hurts more than ever. The heavy stage outfits they wear during this comeback don't help his condition. His heart feels close to giving out after performing some days. Lu Han, somehow, is always there. A steadying hand at his back, a firm grip on his shoulders. He knows when he's needed.  
  
The company refuses to seek treatment for his injuries until he faints off-stage one night. It was a long performance, and he was scarcely able to manage to manage his final bow without collapsing. Luhan is the one to catch him, immediately barking orders in Korean to the others as he enlists Zitao to help carry him. He translates when needed after they arrive at the hospital. Even when the other members have left to go home, they keep Yifan overnight. Luhan stays at his bedside and, when they leave, helps hide his condition from the paparazzi.

As he lays in bed nights afterward, the newly-dyed blonde curls into his side. It's a ritual they establish after his accident. He whispers to Luhan in the night, a confessional of the thoughts he holds in his heart. He can't handle this anymore, yet he feels so selfish. Luhan nods knowingly.  
  
"I will support you, no matter what you choose to do."  
  
Yifan realizes his leadership is only in name. The band's true _duizhang_ is Luhan.

* * *

It is October 10th, 2014. Yifan's phone rings in the dead of night. He's cooped up in a hotel room, close to the set where he's been filming the opening scenes of "Somewhere Only We Know".   
  
He already knows who's calling without even glancing at the screen. He's discussed this with the elder for months over text messages exchanged in secret, conversations often being forced to drop for weeks due to SM's watchful eyes. The moment he answers, he hears Luhan letting out choked, hiccuping sobs on the other end of the line. He wails about the fact that h _e knew he would have to do this, they're going to call him a traitor, he's left them for dead_ _._   Yifan knows. He went through the agony months before by himself. He reads between the elder's almost-incoherent syllables, repeating the words that were uttered to him months ago when he made the same decision.

"I will support you, no matter what you choose to do. "

* * *

It is February 8th, 2015. The day of the Chinese Central Television Spring Gala. It is also the first time they've been in the same building in months. Yifan spies a familiar gaze, and then their eyes meet. He looks handsome as ever, and healthier. Luhan tries to run up to him, embrace him, but the closest they get is their fingertips touching before Yifan is shuttled off to his next press conference. The elder's shout of _"call me!"_ is met with a hasty nod.

They call and talk for hours that night, and every night after.

No matter how far they may wander from one another, the bond between true brothers can never be broken.

**Author's Note:**

> * - duizhang means 'leader' or 'captain'. leaving this for people who have somehow stumbled upon this without knowing exo..  
> ** - for those unfamiliar, sasaengs are pretty much crazy stalkers. it's not right to call them fans.
> 
> find me on tumblr: yifansbabe


End file.
